My Wife Kills me...
My wife has been getting extremely mean, depressed and moody lately. Seeing that something was very obviously bothering her, and not happy with her general crabbiness, I tried several times to talk to her to see what was going on, but she shut me down. Finally, I asked her to write down what was wrong in an organized 1, 2, 3, fashion.
She did make a great effort and wrote everything down for me. Of course, I responded to everything that she wrote and that was when the fit hit the shan.
Apparently, I am not allowed to disagree with anything, no matter how nicely I do it. I got reamed and treated even worse than I did before I got her to tell me what was wrong. What's worse, she posted both her problems and my responses to them on her blog. Because we corresponded via email at work, I had my signature at the bottom of it which includes my real name, work phone number, and work email address! She posted all that information along with the rest of it! Boy, was I pissed!
I asked her to take my work information and name off of her blog. She snapped at me. I tried explaining that since all of our phones calls are recorded and our emails are monitored here at work (which she knows since she works here too), if random people start emailing and calling me then I can and probably will get fired. And so would she. She just snapped at me again.
Then something funny happened. People started commenting on her blog. First our friend Dawn, then our friend Jess. Each of them know and are friends with both my wife and myself. Dawn has known throughout the entirety of our five year marriage and Jess has know us since we got hired on about five months ago.
Each of these women pointed out to my wife that I was being very fair and considerate. They also pointed out that I do a LOT of stuff around the house, with the kids, and for my wife that not only never gets acknowledged or appreciated, but I get reamed for never doing anything. Each of them pointed out, in the nicest way possible, that in their experience with us, I do almost anything while my wife sits there complaining about how I never do enough.
When my wife read their responses she lost it. She was crying and throwing a fit for most of an hour. We work side by side in an office. Office executives, HR, peers, and supervisors get stopping by to see what was wrong and to offer her their support.
Now, I understand that she is pregnant, and thus is far more emotionl than normal, even for her. I also know that she is having a hard time dealing with the fact that my little brother is living with us for a time and that he doesn't have a job. Which is understandable even though the rent that we are charging him is garanteed.
But as Dawn pointed out, almost all the problems that my wife has have been going on for years and can't be blamed on her pregnacy.
Someone who shall remain nameless summed it up extremely well by saying that my wife has a martyr complex. She hates herself and does everything in her power to make her life miserable. Then, when bad things happen or things pile up and get out of control, she can wail about how horrible her life is. Then other people, mostly the people who either don't know us or people who love us and want to show that love, sympathize with her and give her the pity and support that she needs.
For example: At every job that she has had before our current one (since we've been married) she jumps into the job with zeal and ferver. She does anything and everything that her supervisor and coworkers ask of her. When she worked at Payless her boss or the shift manager would call her almost daily to come in early (so that they could leave early), stay late (so that they could show up late) and to come in and work for an hour or so on her day off (so that they could make a deposit at the bank, or go out to lunch). The people at Payless did this so often that my wife only had a full day off every couple of weeks, AND SHE WAS A PART TIME EMPLOYEE!!!
It got to be so intrusive that I had to tell her that she had to stop. Family comes first and $7 an hour is very definately not worth it. Of course, she didn't like that but came to agree with me over time because it wore her out. The day that she told them no was a bitter experience for her. They reamed her for not being a "team player" and for "letting them down". What a crock. It got to the point that I would answer the phone and tell them no for her and they wqould try giving me a hard time. Not the brightest thing in the world to do.
Another thing that my wife did at Payless and every other job before this one is to complain constantly about me.
Now I can understand bitching about someone on occasion when you're upset. That's what I'm doing right now in fact. But if that is all that you do, and you never say nice things, then what are you saying? That you don't love the person that you are talking about.
My wife's sister Anita was dating a guy name Keith when my wife and I got married. The three or four times that I had met Anita all she did was bitch incessantly about Kieth. She talked non-stop and never said a single nice thing. All she did was complain about what a horrible guy he was. She was always asking people for relationship advice and when she did so, they would sympathize with her and give her bad placating advice that made her feel better.
Thinking on it a bit, I see that Anita has the martyr complex too. They get it from their mother. They see it in her but they refuse to see how they are emulating her. Damn...
Then Anita made the mistake of asking me for advice. I told her that she didn't love Kieth and that she should dump him and move on. The reasoning was simple. If you are in a relationship with someone, and you complain ALL THE TIME about that person, then you are not happy. If that is ALL THAT YOU DO, in others words, if you NEVER SAY ANYTHING GOOD ABOUT THAT PERSON, then you obviously DON'T LOVE THEM. If you don't love the person and you aren't happy, then it's time to MOVE ON!
Needless to say, Anita was less than thrilled with this and told me (through my wife of course) never to give her advice again. I told Anita (to her face) and my wife that I am an honest person and that if you don't want honest advice, then don't ask me.
Anita did break up with Kieth a short time later. He went psycho and slashed her tires and she ended up having him arrested for violating a restraining order.
My wife has been doing to me the same thing to me that Anita did to Kieth. She complains to everyone what a horrible person, husband, and father I am to anyone who'll listen and a few who don't. She even posts rants about me on her blog, venting she calls it.
I hate that.
I tell my wife daily (usually I do this even when we are fighting, although I haven't done this in the past four days) that I love her, that she is beautiful, and I hug her and do things for her. I do the same with my kids. On occasion, I bitch about something (like this) that they do that completely infuriates me or that comepletely depresses me (like now). This is normal and shows how much I love my wife and family.
What is my wife showing me with her behaviour? She does the exact opposite. 90% of the time she is complaining about what a horrible person, husband, and father I am, and then tells me that she loves me on occasion. What the hell?
My friend Dawn is married to a lovable geeky guy named Grant. They got married a year before I did and they are good friends to bo my wife and myself. No matter how much I love hanging out with them and their kids (who are the same number and age of our kids), I get jealous and depressed when I visit. Even when Dawn was nine months pregnant and complete bitchy (sorry Dawn, but you were) they treated each other with more love and consideration than I get from my wife.
If I were a third party bystander the only reason that I could give for my wife and I to remain together would be the kids. You can't have a relationship built on that.
Where is the love? Why is this so one-sided?
I know that I started this by referring to her complaints and my responses. I'd like you to read them for yourself and to tell me what you think.
Thanks
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
What happens when I ask for help!!!
Issues with the situation at home!
1.The new addition to the household!
a. Jon needs to take CARE of Himself and clean up after himself! If he cooks food using our dishes the least he can do is help out cleaning them, not leaving them for me. Same goes for Calamar-moldy dishes is not my forte!
I will talk to Jon about cleaning up after himself. We do need to start doing what Dawn said and do a load of dishes every night. We could trade off on this and we could have Jon do so as well. The biggest mess is at night with us cooking and eating dinner. Everything else should be a Clean As You Go type of thing, which none of us do. Maybe we could put up a clean/dirty sign on the dishwasher like we do at work.
b. I wouldn't mind him using our medical supplies as long as he asks. It's rude to assume your aloud to use anything in the house. We supply the toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, fabric softener, etc. The only thing he supplies for himself is food and not even that is all the time.
I will talk to him about this.
c. If he wants to place his opinion then he better be prepared for mine! I feel like I have to explain myself to him at every corner. But I don't tell him that I don't think he's looking hard enough for a job to live on his own. Don't get me wrong you can have time to yourself but there is also a time to be serious about where you want to go in your life.
If he starts giving you an unasked for opinion, then tell him to stop. Tell him you didn't ask for his opinion and don't want it or make a joke about how he shouldn't be talking. Stand up for yourself but don't yell or get all emotional or he'll just tune you out. I can't really help you with this. I've already spoken to him and he said that he'd try not giving you his opinion. This is a communication problem between the two of you.
d. If he has so much time on his hands he could help out around the house especially if he's there more than us! He shouldn't have an opinion on how the house looks because he makes the mess to, "I'm not his maid, and that's how I feel"!
I'll talk to him about helping out more. Especially on his slack off time.
2. Problems in general with the household!a. I can only do so much around the house it would help if you could pick up some of the slack! We both work full time jobs yet I feel like I'm obligated to cook all of the meals, get the kids ready for bed as in brush their teeth make sure they go potty and tuck them in. Then make sure all of the foods put away so it doesn't do bad.
I do all of these chores half the time or more. Jon is the one who usually puts away the food. You are usually too tired or you don't want me cooking.
b. Time off should be a crucial thing for both of us, but all I know of doing on our days off is cleaning and trying to keep things caught up in the household. I feel like if I don't do it, it wont get done.
Usually, I watch the kids while you clean. If it helps, I'll start taking them out again. The only reason that I stopped leaving the house is:
A. Jon will be there, usually.
B. We've been pretty short on money and going out costs money.
c. Hopefully this will give you an idea of what I have to do, and what goes through my mind!My list of chores!
1. Dishes, rinse, put in the dish washer, start dish washer, wipe down counters, clean the floor if I'm not to tired!
We all need to start taking care of the dishes. That will lessen the load on you, but you will have to help. When you are done with a dish, like your empty cereal bowl in the morning, just rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher. We'll run the dishwasher every night and either Jon or I will empty that night or the next morning. This is a group effort.
2. Clean the floor in the living room, try to clear off the table of all of the junk. Do a wipe down of all knickknacks if not tired. Once a month if I'm lucky!
This is not a big issue.
3. Laundry I try to clean it on Sunday's then fold and put it away on Monday night while watching my show. and that's taking care of all of the clothes for four people, soon to be five!
This is completely true. I would also like it if you would iron my shirts so that I can look professional for work.
4. In the morning I prepare our lunches and setup breakfast if your willing to eat it with me or eat what I make you. I now we both take turns on waking the kids up and I appreciate that. I drive us to work every morning and every afternoon driving us home, while you sleep.
I wake the kids, dress them, and take them potty almost daily. I also take Sable potty, start and warm up the car, load it up, and deal with all the various requests that you make. We each have things that we do. I appreciate what you do, but I would like it if you showed appreciation for what I do as well.
5. I prefer to give the kids a bath every other day but being this big and this tired wears me out a lot faster then before. And yes I have my lazy moments!
I think that the kids are good bathing every few days with extra baths thrown in when they get really dirty. That's how you and I bathe, why are they different?
Basically what I'm saying is if we could switch off on the chores it would help me tremendously, and I might actually find some RELAX ABLE time to myself to so where I can paint draw or doing something I want to do on my own terms. I can't just drop what I'm doing and force myself to draw! It's a lot easier to pick up a book or xbox controller then it is a pencil or paint brush.
Picking up a brush or drawing is just as easy as a book or video game. Easier in some aspects, harder in others, especially painting. You have plenty of time, you just don't use it. Instead of sitting on the couch watching TV or bitching at me for playing games while you sit there, entertain yourself. Whoop out your sketch pad and draw the kids or something. If you want to draw me, the best time would be when I'm playing right? You don't have to get after me because I relax and entertain myself. Just do the same thing. I would be more than happy to watch you play Star Wars but you won't. Why is that my fault? Finding times and ways for you to relax is up to you, not me. I've been trying to help you, but the most that you'll do is take a nap, and then you get after me for playing games or reading while you take a nap. That's not fair! And I do have a basis for comparison!
I know you want to have your fun too, and I'm not saying you can't have time to yourself but it just seems like that's all you want and playing on the xbox for a good couple of hours or reading a book for about the same time if not longer is a lot of time to yourself. Some how I feel like after this you still wont understand my pain in this!
I don't know what else to say!
Say: "O.k. Tony. I see where you're coming from and I understand through your comments that you are going to be making an effort to help out more, especially with dishes.
I also understand that there are some things that I have to do myself. Shutting Jon down in a mature reasonable fashion when he starts giving me his unasked for opinion is a good example.
I also realize that you need acknowledgement and occasional praise for what you do around the house. I will strive to be more appreciative.
Knowing that you and Jon will make a better effort to help around the house relieves a lot of stress. I will make a bigger effort to relax and try to enjoy myself more often. I will also try and learn how to take time off and get some quality alone time.
Thank you."
Tony in red
me in blue
posted by asudem69 @ 7:22 AM
Now, I didn't change anything in what she posted other then to leave her comments in green. I noticed that she did take off my work information for which I'm grateful.
As a bit of follow-up:
1. I have been keeping on top of the dishes for the past two days. Jon has been helping as of last night. There are no dirty dishes in the kitchen. Jon has stated that he will wipe down the counters and sink today.
2. I spoke with Jon for about two hours last night. I had printed off the list above and went over each item with him in detail. He agreed with everything that I said and vowed to do more at home.
I also mentioned to him that I've noticed that he's been avoiding the house. He said that it was true and that he did so because of how uncomfortable he felt around my wife. He stated that since he moved in she has been bitching constantly about how awful I am, the depressing state of the house, and how she does everything. He said that what he has seen is that I end up doing almost everything while my wife sits on the couch complaining.
I felt that this was an exageration and told him so. However, I spoke with several friends and mentioned what he had said and they all agreed. They said that whether at my house or theirs, my wife will find spot and sit there FOR THE DURATION OF THE VISIT while I do everything.
She may get up on occasion to go to the rest room or to help when we are getting ready to leave. She also helps make and serve meals. Other than that, she has me do everything.
As Jon said, she bitches at me until I do it. He's right.
I said in here how people who love each other do not bitch, moan, and complain about their "loved one" on a constant basis. I think that this blog is a great example of that. I have almost a hundred posts on this blog. I mention my wife several times and this is the first time that I've complained about her. Every other post that she is mentioned in has me telling you how much I love her and how beautiful she is. That's the way that it should be.
What do you think Dear Reader?
She did make a great effort and wrote everything down for me. Of course, I responded to everything that she wrote and that was when the fit hit the shan.
Apparently, I am not allowed to disagree with anything, no matter how nicely I do it. I got reamed and treated even worse than I did before I got her to tell me what was wrong. What's worse, she posted both her problems and my responses to them on her blog. Because we corresponded via email at work, I had my signature at the bottom of it which includes my real name, work phone number, and work email address! She posted all that information along with the rest of it! Boy, was I pissed!
I asked her to take my work information and name off of her blog. She snapped at me. I tried explaining that since all of our phones calls are recorded and our emails are monitored here at work (which she knows since she works here too), if random people start emailing and calling me then I can and probably will get fired. And so would she. She just snapped at me again.
Then something funny happened. People started commenting on her blog. First our friend Dawn, then our friend Jess. Each of them know and are friends with both my wife and myself. Dawn has known throughout the entirety of our five year marriage and Jess has know us since we got hired on about five months ago.
Each of these women pointed out to my wife that I was being very fair and considerate. They also pointed out that I do a LOT of stuff around the house, with the kids, and for my wife that not only never gets acknowledged or appreciated, but I get reamed for never doing anything. Each of them pointed out, in the nicest way possible, that in their experience with us, I do almost anything while my wife sits there complaining about how I never do enough.
When my wife read their responses she lost it. She was crying and throwing a fit for most of an hour. We work side by side in an office. Office executives, HR, peers, and supervisors get stopping by to see what was wrong and to offer her their support.
Now, I understand that she is pregnant, and thus is far more emotionl than normal, even for her. I also know that she is having a hard time dealing with the fact that my little brother is living with us for a time and that he doesn't have a job. Which is understandable even though the rent that we are charging him is garanteed.
But as Dawn pointed out, almost all the problems that my wife has have been going on for years and can't be blamed on her pregnacy.
Someone who shall remain nameless summed it up extremely well by saying that my wife has a martyr complex. She hates herself and does everything in her power to make her life miserable. Then, when bad things happen or things pile up and get out of control, she can wail about how horrible her life is. Then other people, mostly the people who either don't know us or people who love us and want to show that love, sympathize with her and give her the pity and support that she needs.
For example: At every job that she has had before our current one (since we've been married) she jumps into the job with zeal and ferver. She does anything and everything that her supervisor and coworkers ask of her. When she worked at Payless her boss or the shift manager would call her almost daily to come in early (so that they could leave early), stay late (so that they could show up late) and to come in and work for an hour or so on her day off (so that they could make a deposit at the bank, or go out to lunch). The people at Payless did this so often that my wife only had a full day off every couple of weeks, AND SHE WAS A PART TIME EMPLOYEE!!!
It got to be so intrusive that I had to tell her that she had to stop. Family comes first and $7 an hour is very definately not worth it. Of course, she didn't like that but came to agree with me over time because it wore her out. The day that she told them no was a bitter experience for her. They reamed her for not being a "team player" and for "letting them down". What a crock. It got to the point that I would answer the phone and tell them no for her and they wqould try giving me a hard time. Not the brightest thing in the world to do.
Another thing that my wife did at Payless and every other job before this one is to complain constantly about me.
Now I can understand bitching about someone on occasion when you're upset. That's what I'm doing right now in fact. But if that is all that you do, and you never say nice things, then what are you saying? That you don't love the person that you are talking about.
My wife's sister Anita was dating a guy name Keith when my wife and I got married. The three or four times that I had met Anita all she did was bitch incessantly about Kieth. She talked non-stop and never said a single nice thing. All she did was complain about what a horrible guy he was. She was always asking people for relationship advice and when she did so, they would sympathize with her and give her bad placating advice that made her feel better.
Thinking on it a bit, I see that Anita has the martyr complex too. They get it from their mother. They see it in her but they refuse to see how they are emulating her. Damn...
Then Anita made the mistake of asking me for advice. I told her that she didn't love Kieth and that she should dump him and move on. The reasoning was simple. If you are in a relationship with someone, and you complain ALL THE TIME about that person, then you are not happy. If that is ALL THAT YOU DO, in others words, if you NEVER SAY ANYTHING GOOD ABOUT THAT PERSON, then you obviously DON'T LOVE THEM. If you don't love the person and you aren't happy, then it's time to MOVE ON!
Needless to say, Anita was less than thrilled with this and told me (through my wife of course) never to give her advice again. I told Anita (to her face) and my wife that I am an honest person and that if you don't want honest advice, then don't ask me.
Anita did break up with Kieth a short time later. He went psycho and slashed her tires and she ended up having him arrested for violating a restraining order.
My wife has been doing to me the same thing to me that Anita did to Kieth. She complains to everyone what a horrible person, husband, and father I am to anyone who'll listen and a few who don't. She even posts rants about me on her blog, venting she calls it.
I hate that.
I tell my wife daily (usually I do this even when we are fighting, although I haven't done this in the past four days) that I love her, that she is beautiful, and I hug her and do things for her. I do the same with my kids. On occasion, I bitch about something (like this) that they do that completely infuriates me or that comepletely depresses me (like now). This is normal and shows how much I love my wife and family.
What is my wife showing me with her behaviour? She does the exact opposite. 90% of the time she is complaining about what a horrible person, husband, and father I am, and then tells me that she loves me on occasion. What the hell?
My friend Dawn is married to a lovable geeky guy named Grant. They got married a year before I did and they are good friends to bo my wife and myself. No matter how much I love hanging out with them and their kids (who are the same number and age of our kids), I get jealous and depressed when I visit. Even when Dawn was nine months pregnant and complete bitchy (sorry Dawn, but you were) they treated each other with more love and consideration than I get from my wife.
If I were a third party bystander the only reason that I could give for my wife and I to remain together would be the kids. You can't have a relationship built on that.
Where is the love? Why is this so one-sided?
I know that I started this by referring to her complaints and my responses. I'd like you to read them for yourself and to tell me what you think.
Thanks
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
What happens when I ask for help!!!
Issues with the situation at home!
1.The new addition to the household!
a. Jon needs to take CARE of Himself and clean up after himself! If he cooks food using our dishes the least he can do is help out cleaning them, not leaving them for me. Same goes for Calamar-moldy dishes is not my forte!
I will talk to Jon about cleaning up after himself. We do need to start doing what Dawn said and do a load of dishes every night. We could trade off on this and we could have Jon do so as well. The biggest mess is at night with us cooking and eating dinner. Everything else should be a Clean As You Go type of thing, which none of us do. Maybe we could put up a clean/dirty sign on the dishwasher like we do at work.
b. I wouldn't mind him using our medical supplies as long as he asks. It's rude to assume your aloud to use anything in the house. We supply the toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, fabric softener, etc. The only thing he supplies for himself is food and not even that is all the time.
I will talk to him about this.
c. If he wants to place his opinion then he better be prepared for mine! I feel like I have to explain myself to him at every corner. But I don't tell him that I don't think he's looking hard enough for a job to live on his own. Don't get me wrong you can have time to yourself but there is also a time to be serious about where you want to go in your life.
If he starts giving you an unasked for opinion, then tell him to stop. Tell him you didn't ask for his opinion and don't want it or make a joke about how he shouldn't be talking. Stand up for yourself but don't yell or get all emotional or he'll just tune you out. I can't really help you with this. I've already spoken to him and he said that he'd try not giving you his opinion. This is a communication problem between the two of you.
d. If he has so much time on his hands he could help out around the house especially if he's there more than us! He shouldn't have an opinion on how the house looks because he makes the mess to, "I'm not his maid, and that's how I feel"!
I'll talk to him about helping out more. Especially on his slack off time.
2. Problems in general with the household!a. I can only do so much around the house it would help if you could pick up some of the slack! We both work full time jobs yet I feel like I'm obligated to cook all of the meals, get the kids ready for bed as in brush their teeth make sure they go potty and tuck them in. Then make sure all of the foods put away so it doesn't do bad.
I do all of these chores half the time or more. Jon is the one who usually puts away the food. You are usually too tired or you don't want me cooking.
b. Time off should be a crucial thing for both of us, but all I know of doing on our days off is cleaning and trying to keep things caught up in the household. I feel like if I don't do it, it wont get done.
Usually, I watch the kids while you clean. If it helps, I'll start taking them out again. The only reason that I stopped leaving the house is:
A. Jon will be there, usually.
B. We've been pretty short on money and going out costs money.
c. Hopefully this will give you an idea of what I have to do, and what goes through my mind!My list of chores!
1. Dishes, rinse, put in the dish washer, start dish washer, wipe down counters, clean the floor if I'm not to tired!
We all need to start taking care of the dishes. That will lessen the load on you, but you will have to help. When you are done with a dish, like your empty cereal bowl in the morning, just rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher. We'll run the dishwasher every night and either Jon or I will empty that night or the next morning. This is a group effort.
2. Clean the floor in the living room, try to clear off the table of all of the junk. Do a wipe down of all knickknacks if not tired. Once a month if I'm lucky!
This is not a big issue.
3. Laundry I try to clean it on Sunday's then fold and put it away on Monday night while watching my show. and that's taking care of all of the clothes for four people, soon to be five!
This is completely true. I would also like it if you would iron my shirts so that I can look professional for work.
4. In the morning I prepare our lunches and setup breakfast if your willing to eat it with me or eat what I make you. I now we both take turns on waking the kids up and I appreciate that. I drive us to work every morning and every afternoon driving us home, while you sleep.
I wake the kids, dress them, and take them potty almost daily. I also take Sable potty, start and warm up the car, load it up, and deal with all the various requests that you make. We each have things that we do. I appreciate what you do, but I would like it if you showed appreciation for what I do as well.
5. I prefer to give the kids a bath every other day but being this big and this tired wears me out a lot faster then before. And yes I have my lazy moments!
I think that the kids are good bathing every few days with extra baths thrown in when they get really dirty. That's how you and I bathe, why are they different?
Basically what I'm saying is if we could switch off on the chores it would help me tremendously, and I might actually find some RELAX ABLE time to myself to so where I can paint draw or doing something I want to do on my own terms. I can't just drop what I'm doing and force myself to draw! It's a lot easier to pick up a book or xbox controller then it is a pencil or paint brush.
Picking up a brush or drawing is just as easy as a book or video game. Easier in some aspects, harder in others, especially painting. You have plenty of time, you just don't use it. Instead of sitting on the couch watching TV or bitching at me for playing games while you sit there, entertain yourself. Whoop out your sketch pad and draw the kids or something. If you want to draw me, the best time would be when I'm playing right? You don't have to get after me because I relax and entertain myself. Just do the same thing. I would be more than happy to watch you play Star Wars but you won't. Why is that my fault? Finding times and ways for you to relax is up to you, not me. I've been trying to help you, but the most that you'll do is take a nap, and then you get after me for playing games or reading while you take a nap. That's not fair! And I do have a basis for comparison!
I know you want to have your fun too, and I'm not saying you can't have time to yourself but it just seems like that's all you want and playing on the xbox for a good couple of hours or reading a book for about the same time if not longer is a lot of time to yourself. Some how I feel like after this you still wont understand my pain in this!
I don't know what else to say!
Say: "O.k. Tony. I see where you're coming from and I understand through your comments that you are going to be making an effort to help out more, especially with dishes.
I also understand that there are some things that I have to do myself. Shutting Jon down in a mature reasonable fashion when he starts giving me his unasked for opinion is a good example.
I also realize that you need acknowledgement and occasional praise for what you do around the house. I will strive to be more appreciative.
Knowing that you and Jon will make a better effort to help around the house relieves a lot of stress. I will make a bigger effort to relax and try to enjoy myself more often. I will also try and learn how to take time off and get some quality alone time.
Thank you."
Tony in red
me in blue
posted by asudem69 @ 7:22 AM
Now, I didn't change anything in what she posted other then to leave her comments in green. I noticed that she did take off my work information for which I'm grateful.
As a bit of follow-up:
1. I have been keeping on top of the dishes for the past two days. Jon has been helping as of last night. There are no dirty dishes in the kitchen. Jon has stated that he will wipe down the counters and sink today.
2. I spoke with Jon for about two hours last night. I had printed off the list above and went over each item with him in detail. He agreed with everything that I said and vowed to do more at home.
I also mentioned to him that I've noticed that he's been avoiding the house. He said that it was true and that he did so because of how uncomfortable he felt around my wife. He stated that since he moved in she has been bitching constantly about how awful I am, the depressing state of the house, and how she does everything. He said that what he has seen is that I end up doing almost everything while my wife sits on the couch complaining.
I felt that this was an exageration and told him so. However, I spoke with several friends and mentioned what he had said and they all agreed. They said that whether at my house or theirs, my wife will find spot and sit there FOR THE DURATION OF THE VISIT while I do everything.
She may get up on occasion to go to the rest room or to help when we are getting ready to leave. She also helps make and serve meals. Other than that, she has me do everything.
As Jon said, she bitches at me until I do it. He's right.
I said in here how people who love each other do not bitch, moan, and complain about their "loved one" on a constant basis. I think that this blog is a great example of that. I have almost a hundred posts on this blog. I mention my wife several times and this is the first time that I've complained about her. Every other post that she is mentioned in has me telling you how much I love her and how beautiful she is. That's the way that it should be.
What do you think Dear Reader?
posted by Keko at 08:55
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