Dating advice from a Guy Who Knows
Most everyone I know and hang out with is married, with children. I have been married for five years come March 2nd and we've been together for almost six years. You could say that I've been out of the dating game for long time now and that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was suddenly thrust back into the Game.
I found a good example of this at a blog that I like called Rambling Oddities. The author is a single woman who has recently gone through a divorce. She wrote an entry about a guy who she went on a date with once. During this date they "made out" for a while and it was good. After the date he has called her every morning and night, which she thinks is sweet. However, she had a problem when they both had a day off from their jobs and she expected him to ask her out again and he didn't.
Obviously, this woman has some issues with the Game. The rulebook has changed a bit and she hasn't been competitive for a few years. Like a footballplayer who has retired for a couple of years trying to make it in the NFL, she's gettin' whooped.
When I dated, I never did play the Game. If I liked a girl, I told her. If I wanted to go on a date, I asked. Sometimes a girl needed more convincing than others but that's as far as I played. If a girl put out too much too soon or too little for too long, I lost interest.
Reading this girl's post started me thinking. There are a few people that I know, mostly women and mostly at work, who have dived back into the dating game after being married for a few years. Most of these people are lost, rudderless and just going along with the current.
These people ask others for advice on a pretty consistant basis. However, they only ask people of the same sex for advice. Case in point:
Four of us went out to a Mexican resturaunt for lunch a few days ago. One of our friends, who I'll call Ebony, kept asking my wife and the other friend, also a woman, why the guy she was dating behaved and said the things that he did. The girls weren't much help and felt that the guy was a jerk and gave Ebony lots of sympathy. Meanwhile, I had understood the guy and realized that he had just made an embarrassing mistake by saying the wrong thing and this is how he was coping with it. Yet everytime that I tried to explain this the girls would cut me off or ignore me. Who knows more about why a guy acts and says the things that he does better than another guy? Especially if the guy in question is happily married and thus has no agendas of his own (i.e. getting with the girl in question).
The girl in the blog made several mistakes and ignored some warning signs in her guy. So did Ebony.Here's some rules...
1. Never make out with a guy on the first date. A kiss or two is nice, especially if it comes towards the end of the date, but otherwise you're just being slutty. This holds for at least two dates. Don't even think of anything more intimate until you've known the guy for a little bit. If you feel comfortable enough with the guy to laugh during sex, then you're intimate enough to engage in it.
2. If a guy that you barely know is calling you every morning and night, that isn't sweet, it's stalking. At best, this guy is way too clingy and needy. While this girl may think that she wants a guy like this because she's divorced, lonely, and wants to be loved, this will get very old very quickly.
3. She expected him to ask her out and when he didn't, she got hurt and upset. Why is it that women still think that it's up to the guy to make all the advances? Women in today's society (North American women at least) are equal to men. They have fought for this equality for almost 100 years. Why then, do they insist that the guy ask them out?
Girls, if you want to see a guy, especially if you've already gone on a date, then ask him. The worst he can do is say "no" right? Why is this such a big deal?
4. If you want to know why a guy acts the way that he does or says what he said, then ask a happily married guy of the approximate same age. Single guys may be attracted to you and will give you bad advice so that they can have a shot at you. So will guys who are dating and guys unhappy in their marriage. Keep the age gap to within 5 years or so, that way they are still thinking in a similar manner. BTW Gay Guys don't count. They don't think like straight guys and mentally have more in common with women than men.
5. Watch the movie Hitch. Preferably with a date. If you're alone, take notes.
6. If you have questions, ask me. I give good advice simply for the satisfaction that I get for helping others. Seriously.
I found a good example of this at a blog that I like called Rambling Oddities. The author is a single woman who has recently gone through a divorce. She wrote an entry about a guy who she went on a date with once. During this date they "made out" for a while and it was good. After the date he has called her every morning and night, which she thinks is sweet. However, she had a problem when they both had a day off from their jobs and she expected him to ask her out again and he didn't.
Obviously, this woman has some issues with the Game. The rulebook has changed a bit and she hasn't been competitive for a few years. Like a footballplayer who has retired for a couple of years trying to make it in the NFL, she's gettin' whooped.
When I dated, I never did play the Game. If I liked a girl, I told her. If I wanted to go on a date, I asked. Sometimes a girl needed more convincing than others but that's as far as I played. If a girl put out too much too soon or too little for too long, I lost interest.
Reading this girl's post started me thinking. There are a few people that I know, mostly women and mostly at work, who have dived back into the dating game after being married for a few years. Most of these people are lost, rudderless and just going along with the current.
These people ask others for advice on a pretty consistant basis. However, they only ask people of the same sex for advice. Case in point:
Four of us went out to a Mexican resturaunt for lunch a few days ago. One of our friends, who I'll call Ebony, kept asking my wife and the other friend, also a woman, why the guy she was dating behaved and said the things that he did. The girls weren't much help and felt that the guy was a jerk and gave Ebony lots of sympathy. Meanwhile, I had understood the guy and realized that he had just made an embarrassing mistake by saying the wrong thing and this is how he was coping with it. Yet everytime that I tried to explain this the girls would cut me off or ignore me. Who knows more about why a guy acts and says the things that he does better than another guy? Especially if the guy in question is happily married and thus has no agendas of his own (i.e. getting with the girl in question).
The girl in the blog made several mistakes and ignored some warning signs in her guy. So did Ebony.Here's some rules...
1. Never make out with a guy on the first date. A kiss or two is nice, especially if it comes towards the end of the date, but otherwise you're just being slutty. This holds for at least two dates. Don't even think of anything more intimate until you've known the guy for a little bit. If you feel comfortable enough with the guy to laugh during sex, then you're intimate enough to engage in it.
2. If a guy that you barely know is calling you every morning and night, that isn't sweet, it's stalking. At best, this guy is way too clingy and needy. While this girl may think that she wants a guy like this because she's divorced, lonely, and wants to be loved, this will get very old very quickly.
3. She expected him to ask her out and when he didn't, she got hurt and upset. Why is it that women still think that it's up to the guy to make all the advances? Women in today's society (North American women at least) are equal to men. They have fought for this equality for almost 100 years. Why then, do they insist that the guy ask them out?
Girls, if you want to see a guy, especially if you've already gone on a date, then ask him. The worst he can do is say "no" right? Why is this such a big deal?
4. If you want to know why a guy acts the way that he does or says what he said, then ask a happily married guy of the approximate same age. Single guys may be attracted to you and will give you bad advice so that they can have a shot at you. So will guys who are dating and guys unhappy in their marriage. Keep the age gap to within 5 years or so, that way they are still thinking in a similar manner. BTW Gay Guys don't count. They don't think like straight guys and mentally have more in common with women than men.
5. Watch the movie Hitch. Preferably with a date. If you're alone, take notes.
6. If you have questions, ask me. I give good advice simply for the satisfaction that I get for helping others. Seriously.
posted by Keko at 11:11
3 Comments:
LOL! You can tell me about men, let me tell you about women.
Let me tell you why the women ignored your attempts at givi3ng good advice. About half the time when women talk, they don't really want a solution to their problem. They want sympathy and/or justification for whatever they have already decided about the person or what they want to do. Ebony probably wasn't really looking for a psychological reason why the guy in question did what he did. She thought he was being a jerk and wanted the confirmation of other women to tell her she was right. She didn't really want to hear another man make very logical "excuses" for his actions.
My advice to women who are dating:
1)Men don't like to play games.
2)They do not like to try to read minds. It makes them irritated and resentful
3)Men are usually just as scared of asking a girl they like out as you are, and yet we as women still make them do it. Do them a favor and if you can't bring yourself to ask them out, make it as BLATENTLY obvious as possible that you want a date. If they don't ask you out, see #2, and then #1.
You must not have heard me agree with you lol.
Dawn, normally I'd agree with you but in this case Ebony kept asking for advice. Usually women who vent or want sympathy just complain a lot. Ebony kept asking us what to do and what did this or that mean?
And as you can see above, Ebony's friends agrees with me... ;-)
Let's just hope that if Ebony reads this that she'll take it well and not as an insult.
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